Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
