if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
