My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
