He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
