Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
