there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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