He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
