You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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