Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
