dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
