WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
