You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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