I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
