my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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