i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
