wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
