I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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