You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
