I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
