I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
