I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
