I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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