don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
