Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
