I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
