so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
