Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize