She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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