I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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