just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize