yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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