i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
