you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
