just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
