I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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