I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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