Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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