I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
