Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
