That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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