i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
