How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
