thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
