I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
