hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
