Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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