if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
