He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
