how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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