Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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