Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I forget how to act sober
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize