What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
