I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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