oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
