tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
