They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
