How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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