and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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