she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
