remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
