Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
