I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
