Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
