I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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