but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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