dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
