So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
