he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
