you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize