Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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