my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
