Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
