Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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