Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
