I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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